(Imaged in Udaipur, Rajasthan, for my friend’s graduation trip.)
Just over three months ago, I made a snap decision to travel to India for the second time in one year (another $1,400 in flights!!) because my friend Rish was graduating from Cal and hosting a graduation trip in Rajasthan. I was close to Rish and had gotten to know him quite well over the past couple of months, but to be invited to a group trip to India (especially with a tight-knit group I wasn’t all that familiar with) was something I wasn’t expecting. I still pulled the trigger because I feared missing out. I had been to Rajasthan’s ‘touristy’ sites with Mom and Dad before, when I was much younger, but this was different.
This was very different.
I met Rish’s mom and dad, his maasa/maasi, his daadi, and all of his extended family from Rajasthan. We danced together, broke bread together, celebrated together, and spoke broken Hindi together (the broken Hindi was mostly me). I had conversations with Rish’s friends and family from across the world, and learned that—despite living halfway across the world, he maintained his contact with everyone. I should probably clarify something here. Rish isn’t just any guy. He’s one of the smartest and most talented guys I know. He’s also one of the busiest guys I know. Despite this all, I heard time and time again from all of Rish’s Berkeley friends, Rajasthan friends, and extended family that Rish’s strongest skill set wasn’t being able to pitch a business idea or write some code, it was his friends. His friends and family were the core of who he was, and everything he accomplished was through and with their support.
Long story short, this common theme I saw in every interaction I had in Rajasthan really had an impact on me. Family was everything. I thought a lot about the many friends I’ve held dearest to me, as well as the many scattered interactions I’ve had with them over the past few years (due to college, yes, but it’s deeper than that). Whenever I’ve had something I’ve truly cared about that I felt was important to me, they’ve shown up—whether it was making a 2+ hour round trip trek for an event I was organizing, or supporting my fundraising efforts online from hundreds of miles away. And I should add, most of my friends are much better with birthdays and graduations. All that is to say, I haven’t been the ‘bestest’ of friends. It’s great knowing that I feel comfortable around my friends the most, but what good does comfort do if one can’t set aside the time to enjoy it?
(The letter in question. Partially blurred for privacy:) )
Family is everything. One of the things I’ve regretted the most over the past 2-3 years is not making an effort to spend time with family. So when a childhood friend wrote me an incredibly introspective letter in December (about our relationship, and more), after my graduation from UC Berkeley, it stuck in my mind in Rajasthan, then Bengal, and eventually back in California where it has grown and grown and grown.
And so I’ve tried something I’ve never done in my life.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve started making time for my friends and family. I grabbed dinner and caught up with my second year roommates. I made plans with my new Rajasthan friends in Oakland. I visited the SF Symphony with an old friend from LA and someone I hope to stay in touch with for a long time. I texted my mentors and kept in touch with them despite it having been some time. And for the first time in my life, I asked my older sister if we could hang out instead of the other way around (her asking me), which felt weird because it’s something I’ve never done.
Over the past three months, I’ve had countless conversations with family, friends, and peers. Sometimes over mail, and sometimes over coffee. These conversations have been difficult—many forced me out of my comfort zone. Especially due to my natural introversion, I sometimes find reaching out to people difficult. But the past couple of weeks have been fascinating. I’ve met government attorneys, public interest lobbyists, litigation assistants and secretaries, start-up founders, partners at big law firms, and more. I’ve also mailed family that I would otherwise usually only reach out to for a birthday or anniversary here and there. Suffice to say, I’ve learned a lot. I wanted to use this opportunity to list the three biggest lessons I’ve learned over the past couple of months, as well as a “call to action” for both myself as well as anyone else reading.
“Try to take some time to smell the roses as you continue your search.”
This is the collective version of several variations of advice close friends as well as attorneys I’ve met over the past couple of weeks have offered. The quote above, however, is from a government attorney whose down-to-earth phrasing of the advice I really appreciated. Even while “searching” for the next best job, opportunity, and journey, it’s critical to not miss out on the many genuine joys that are currently presented. Neglecting them is risky, for they may not come again.
“Take some time in the mornings to do some reading.”
A well-read lobbyist in Sacramento suggested this advice as I (acknowledgingly) over-lamented in my despair of not finding enough time to finish my long list of books I’d accumulated over the year. Since then, I’ve made a couple of practical and technological changes to my reading schedule. For example, I’ll take the time to listen to audiobooks on my morning commute if reading is a hassle on BART. Although I haven’t quite figured out waking up early just yet, I’ve gradually increased my reading capacity as I’ve taken on books that are relevant to my workplace (i.e. The Federal Bail and Detention Handbook), which has proven quite useful in my day-to-day tasks.
“I honestly feel (and have noticed) that sometimes you’re underselling yourself'; you are capable of more than what you are currently aiming for, and people around you can see it!”
This quote is from my Dad (so maybe I’m cheating with this one), though it is more difficult for me to fully grasp, and perhaps the most important of all to learn. Though my ambitions are strong, my “reservations” (so to speak) can be a struggle. If the past few months have been a testament to anything, I hope the genuine connections I’ve built are the foundation for growth. Learning about and meeting people from various walks of life builds perspective (as one of my mentors noted), and I hope that I can spend my few years prior to law school building that very outlook.
Finally, I hope I can look back on some of these lessons at the end of the year and reflect on whether I’ve met the (relatively) high bar I’ve set. We will see :)
Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn or via my personal website.